Friday, November 23, 2007

thoughts on learning to live

Over the past few day's my hopes of spending my life in some way or with someone have been dashed. In a positive manner this time in my life has made me realize a few things about how I need to live my life.

Love: true love is boundless, and without association. When what we think is love hurts us, it is just a shadow of the real experience that awaits when we allow the cloak of our ego to vanish.

I have not yet fully let go of my cloak, and so I continue to suffer. I (as most of us) create images of the people in my life (more specifically love interests) that should be adhered to by those some people, who never manage to achieve my expectations.

I continue to hope for certain forms of affection, while neglecting to remember that life is impermanent and my expectations are only my own, and no one else's to fulfil.

I continue to work on living love and not just experiencing its shadow.

Trust: I only trust in the impermanence of life, and the benefit of knowing oneself.

I tend to suffer when I trust in someones love lasting forever, when I know it is unfair to do so and unrealistic.

I trust in self-realization as the true form of self love, and in turn enlightenment.

I write the above, because I've come to realize how easy it is to think that we are succeeding in living the spiritual life we set-out to embody. I say this because I was pretty sure, over the last few months, that I was getting closer to letting go of my ego (on par with my path to enlightenment).

Thankfully I was jolted awake by a deeply significant and potentially painful relationship I've been struggling to comprehend. It's definitely been a blessing to watch myself react to many different scenarios, and in turn internalize the meaning of compassion and love without judgement.

I'm still learning, but I think the path I'm stumbling on is definitely interesting enough to engage in wholly.

-Anna (r)

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